


Hard as Diamonds

by Crymore



Series: Raylin Palmer [8]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Len’s a little screwed up, Raylin just wants to be a good girlfriend, Self-Esteem Issues, self deprevation, surprise at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 09:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16762078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crymore/pseuds/Crymore
Summary: Len and Raylin finally settle down, but fear is the mind killer so call Len’s head a crime scene.





	Hard as Diamonds

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, the eighth part. Things are simmering down now and are coming to a close. But there still a few parts left. Enjoy this part!

Len’s knees were bringing to ache with how long he’s been sitting. Just sitting on the ergonomic grey couch in Raylin’s their new apartment, watching the the flat screen replay the same newsreel over and over. Granted, it was because Leonard has recorded it and kept it on replay. 

It was just because… looking at Ray, eyes bright and smiling, looking over the crowd, answering every question any reporter had, looked right. Looked natural. Len knew that Ray was a people person; she could work a crowd to her advantage and feed them any lie she wanted and they would believe her. Like then, on the screen. 

Ray said some bullshit story about how she was kidnapped (which was true) and was held captive by an underground terrorist organization (also true) but due to patience, quick thinking, and the help of Green Arrow, she managed to escape. That was true, basically, the lies were that she remained underground with a fake identity while Green Arrow and law enforcement dismantled the group that took her. She said nothing on how she became the Atom, or about the Legends, or about Darhk being a psycho. She lied about not knowing who her captors were, and how long she was underground. She lied and said she hid in Canada while Green Arrow was her only contact to Starling. She lied and said that she was relieved that her captors were dealt with, because Darhk’s not nearly as dead as Len wants to believe, even if Queen stuck an arrow in his chest, because Darhk is still going to haunt everyone, especially Ray.

What really pissed Len off was how now, Ray was working again. It wasn’t because she spent time away from Len, or because now she had other things to focus on besides him, it was because that beautiful brain of hers was now working 110% again, and eventually she was going to realize Len wasn’t worth it. 

He sighed raggedly and scowled at the familiar weighty feeling in his stomach.

This is ridiculous, Len thought. According to Gideon, Len came back fine, just… different. He was still Len, but it depended on which body part. His knees are his, but his at age sixty. His eyes are his, but back when he was twenty. The time stream spat him out, but it didn’t know how he worked exactly, so now it’s a guessing game at the age of his appendages. Plus side, his reflexes are back with that thirty-year-old snap, back in his prime. Down side, all the learned behavior for dealing with his inferiority complex and stress was gone. That part of his brain, that chemical makeup that composed memory, was back to being thirteen, fresh and unknowing and terrified. 

Len hates it more than anything. He knew how to fake his cool for a bit, but eventually it becomes too much. Mick recognized it first. The panting and the curling fists and the scattering eyes, all young Len behavior that was gone for nearly thirty years was back with a vengeance. Lisa noticed second, when he flinched a bit too hard at the sound of a glass tipping over the tables edge and shattering to the floor. Ray didn’t show if she noticed or not. She never knew young Len, but she saw he was acting a bit jumpier and took it in stride, walking slower, talking quieter, touching him more. He appreciated the efforts, but she should not have to do those things. Len was supposed to have a grip on himself, control his emotions and actions with fierce rigidity and discipline learnt from years of experience. Mick and Lisa and Ray shouldn’t have to adjust themselves to accommodate him. 

The reporter talked excitedly on the screen, silent with little yellow letters telling Len what she was saying.

“Dr. Raylin Palmer, the young genius billionaire was presumed dead, but had made a miraculous resurrection! Dr. Palmer was held captive by an unknown group and was saved by Starling’s Green Arrow-“

Len shut the tv off and went to the kitchen for a beer. He apparently had his twenty-five year old pallet, which meant he craved cheap bear and greasy foods, which was not good for his forty year old stomach tract. Maybe he should make a chart or something, figure out which parts of him are which age so he at least knows. Just to keep track.

He leaned against the clean grey marble counter and sipped at his can of Pabst. (Jesus, did Len hate Pabst. It’s the beer you drink when you have no other choice and you’re poor). Len regarded the small apartment cooly, still trying to let the surrounding be familiar to him. 

White walls, white tiles, grey carpeting and furniture. One bedroom, one full bath, kitchenette and small living room. Small and indiscrete, in the middle of the decent part of the city where no one cares who their neighbors are. It was bland and impersonal, but Ray wasn’t much for decorating unless for holidays and Len liked impersonal. It made it easier to leave if necessary. 

When Ray came back to the public, she reclaimed her business and Len suggested they move out of the warehouse. Ray couldn’t leave Central just yet, Starling was too involved with her and Central gave her breathing room. In Central, no reporters hounded after her or tried to sneak pictures of her office under guides of cleaning crew or office workers, no stockholders tried to shoulder their way into her office and demand she step down or demand proof she was the real Raylin, no old flames came over during work hours and tried to kiss and make up. In Central, there was only one PalmerTechnologies building/office, where Ray staked claim and ran her large business remotely from there. Her staff was hand-picked (after Oliver AND Leonard (seperatly because theres not a chance in hell Len was gonna let Green Arrow know he was banging his best friend) gave background checks on each individual from secretary to janitor) and small, her lab was well stocked, and if there was a big enough problem, she had no qualms of going down to Starling for a day to fix it before returning. 

PalmerTech became the hottest thing, pushing Samsung and Apple and Wayne Enterprises into the shadows. Ray was like a mad woman, the first few weeks, inventing so many things from cell phones and tablets to medical equipment and vehicles. Time traveling is a hell of a muse, apparently. Len wondered if Ray even knew her impact on the world. She was making jobs, inspiring people, fixing cities and schools and recreational centers, learning centers. She’s planning to end world hunger with her shrinking tech. She probably could. 

Leonard Snart was dating a woman who was going to change the world for the better. And he was… so not worth her. 

What was Ray in the grand scheme of things? An innovator, an inventor, a philanthropist. She is the most searched woman on the internet and nearly everyone in the world knows her name. Recent history books started referencing her. There’s not a chance that she’s nonvital to the timeline now. 

But Len? In the thick of it all? Nothing. He was a crook, born to a crook father and made a crook friend and they stole and robbed without care. He saw the end of the world on that roof top, all those months ago with Rip and the others, and saw profit where Ray saw a world to help. Man, he really was awful. There could be an argument made that he’s changed for the better. He knows the troubles of the world more deeply know, he’s a bit more cultured, more understanding of a hero’s life (not that he’ll ever tell Barry Allen that), but his core hadn’t changes much. He still very much a “me and mine” man, the only thing he cares about are his possessions (Lisa, Mick, and Raylin included), he’s still a thief (the cold gun 2.0 and the blueprints to Central’s First National Bank we’re still on the table), and he’s still selfish (because he’s still with Ray).

Len viciously gulped the last of the amber liquid and chucked the white can into the trash before walking to the bedroom. Len like the bedroom best, it smelled like Ray’s floral perfume and sweet shampoo and it always calmed him down when he was worked up. The heavy feeling (guilt, Len’s subconscious supplied) was becoming a constant weight, much like the cold gun. Always there, but rather than it gave him the feeling of safety, it made him feel anxious (Len can’t even remember the last time he was anxious). 

With a sigh, the thief kneeled down at the end of the bed and ungracefully pushed his face roughly into the corner of the mattress. Len wanted to scream. He wanted to beat his fists against the floor and break everything he could get his hands on because destroying was easier than facing his feelings. Young Leonard’s mind still saw emotions as a weakness that would be exploited by dear old dad or the other kids in the cell block. Parts of him knew it would be better to just talk about his feelings, nearly every therapist he was ever issued said that, hell, Raylin says that, and it sounds fool-proof in theory, but in actuality? Len would rather defuse a bomb. Or be in the same room as Mick tried to defuse a bomb.

Even thinking about his feelings, dwelling on them for too long, seemed dangerous. If he were to focus on whatever the mess was between his ears, then he wasn't focusing on the heist, the plan, the scheme. That was more dangerous than anything else, well, beside bothering Raylin when she was in one of her inventing moods.

Len knew logically that he couldn’t be good for Ray. The hero, the savior of Starling, rebuilding the Glades from the rubble up and and solely out of the goodness of her heart. Len knew that his best life was with Raylin, but Raylin’s best life wasn't with him.

The thought caused Len’s chest to seize in panic. He pressed his face further into the mattress.

If Len were to leave Ray, she’d be fine. She had plenty of people to help her, comfort her. Like Oliver, Felicity, Barry, Cisco. She’d take it as another tragedy that happens to people and move on, slightly more cautious than before but still as kind. If Ray were to leave Len, he’d be a wreck. He’d go down some sort of self-destructive path that would have made Ray happy she left him and he’d get drunk and blame himself because it would be his fault then Ray would find some rich genius loser who complimented her in every way and Len would be nothing but a bad memory. (Even though Ray remembers every one of her exes and their favorite colors and what made them so special).

Maybe Len should leave. Just pack up and ditch town without telling anyone. Ray deserved someone she could be seen in public with, not a wanted criminal. It was the nice thing to do, wasn’t it? To sacrifice his happiness for Ray’s future? (The phantom feelings of tight hands on his forearm, of Ray crying in the medbay after the timestream spat him out, asking him to never give himself up like that again).

Len groaned and tried suffocate the sound in the plush navy blue comforter that laid over then bed.

Because even though he wants to leave and be the good guy for the sake of Ray’s happiness in the long run, he was also very selfish. Len still became unreasonably jealous whenever Raylin even mentions Felicity or Oliver (Leonard absolutely counts the three weeks Raylin and Oliver dated back in college before the whole island and Arrow and Atom thing, even if neither Ray or Oliver did). Len wanted to go everywhere with Ray to show her off, to tell every nameless asshole that yes, some lowlife crook with a fancy gun CAN be dating the world’s greatest inventor. Len half wished Lewis was still alive, unable to respond and could only look upon his son and see that even trailer trash was worthy of Raylin Palmer’s love, to see that his son was worthy of a happy life and could get one (maybe one day he’ll go to his father’s grave just to yell at the stone and the corpse beneath the dirt and tell it about how far he’s made it and how much better he is now). Len wanted to rub it everyone’s face. Show off to Barry and Oliver and every other hero that Len’s debonair personality could woo the genius that is Raylin, and show how happy he made her and-

And her made her happy. Len shuddered a breath through the fabric. Len made Ray happy. He made her laugh and safe and protected and happy. They argued, as every couple did, but they were worthless little fights that never lasted more than a day. Len might be bad at talking about his emotions, but Ray sure wasn’t. Ray was smart enough to go to trauma therapy and counselling for her problems rather than letting her issues fester like wounds the way Len was raised to. Ray knew how to deal with her problems and she helped Len deal with his. Like how people in a normal, healthy, loving relationship do. 

Fists pounded against the sides of his thighs. No wonder why Len was so torn up about everything. Every time he left a serious relationship, it was because he was so convinced it was better for his partner, but reflecting on those relationships they… weren't good relationships to be in. Donna was convinced she could “fix” him, He was convinced he could “fix” Marcus. Sheila was a serial cheater and Jesse wanted nothing more than sex and a stable income. 

Len scowled into the bed. No wonder why Lisa didn't like/trust Raylin when he first brought her. Given Len’s tract record for “serious” relationships…. Lisa’s disbelief was warranted. 

Jesus, the more Len thought about his exes the more he realized that his only good relationship was with Ray. Which is kinda depressing considering Len had about seven previous relationships.

But despite the fact that Len wanted to stay with Ray, there was that niggle of doubt in the back of his brain, that insecurity. Len decided he definitely wouldn’t leave Ray, but that didn't mean Ray wouldn't leave Len. 

He groaned so loudly it vibrated his chest as the next anxiety attack began to roll in. The part of Len’s brain that wasn’t going through the millions of scenarios of Ray leaving him noted that the door to the apartment was opening. The rest of Len paid no mind, because Ray could leave him, get tired of all his emotionally repressed bullshit and his thieving and his inability to express his emotions without fear of rejection and leave him like it’s no problem and it wouldn’t be because Ray and be were just dating and people break up during the dating scene all the time and it was like he and Raylin were-

“Lenny?”

Speak of the angel.

—-

“Hey.” Len greeted lamely into the cover, the word muffled by sheets.

Ray’s footfalls we’re soft on the carpet as she made her way to Len. A gentle hand was laid upon his shoulder and the sudden warmth from Ray crowding him was comforting and confusing. 

“… wanna talk about it?”

The silence Lenny follow was enough of an answer for Ray.

She sighed and settled onto the floor with her boyfriend, kicking off her shoes and rolling her shoulders. Whatever Len was going through wasn’t something that could be fixed with a good cry and some ice cream.

Ray scooted down a bit, resting her forehead against Len’s shoulder blades. The last few weeks had been hectic and busy, between legal proceedings on coming back to life and getting her company back and sending back on the track she wanted it, trying to sketch and design every idea she’s had since she’s been on the Waverider. It’s no surprise that the stress radiating off Ray was affecting Len, at least that’s what she believes is going on.

Which is why what Len says next throws her into a hell of a loop.

“How come you want to stay with me?”

Raylin tried not to blanch. She knew Len had some insecurity issues, especially after the Vanishing Point Incident (the Vanishing Point Incident, the Chronos Incident, the Russia Incident,... man, they had issues) but it wasn’t anything Ray couldn’t handle.

“Because I like you.” that usually quelled Len, with it’s school girl naivety and simplicity, but today all it did was make him groan into the mattress. 

“Why?” the single word was drawn out like a moan.

Ray wrapped her arm around his ribs and rubbed her hand comfortingly against his stomach. “Because I saw who you were as a person, and I decided that it was the kind of personality I wanted to be with, and the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted you to stay with me, me, and your opinion is important to me and I like your smile and you make me feel special, and-” Raylin knew she was rambling, for some reason it was important for Leonard to know everything that made him important to her.

“Would you leave me?” Wow, today was having fun with Ray’s train of thoughts.

“What? No, Lenny, god I would never-” 

“Promise?”

Before Ray could even answer Len, he shifted slightly in a way Ray understood to pull off. The thief stretched across to the dresser’s bottom drawer, Len’s drawer, and fished something from the back corner.

“Len, what’s going on?” Ray asked desperately, standing up and pressing her knee into the corner of the mattress. Len was acting strange, and had been for a few days and Ray was beginning to worry way more than a normal girlfriend should-

Len turned, one leg propped up, the other still digging into the carpet, holding something small in his hand as oh, god-

Len’s grey eyes where so exposed, showing fear and hope and so much warriness. His lips were pressed tightly together and his brows were furrowed and there was a slight tremor in his shoulders.

He exhaled slowly, lowering his eyes from Raylin’s startled expression, and steeled himself before asking again, “Promise?”

\---

This was absolutely and totally selfish of him. Completely for his benefit and no one else's and if Ray said no it wouldn't even surprise him. The conversation preceding Len kneeling before Ray was not the best one, seeing as Len could not say anything going through his head except excerpts from the rambling monologue that ran in his brain like a race car.

But he needed Ray, even Ray didn't need him, and this way she’d always be with him. Like stealing a diamond from a safe. He wanted it, he took it, he wouldn't share it. 

Ray looked down at him glassy eyed and Len thought maybe he should have proposed somewhere nicer than their bland bedroom after a weird conversation that didn't make any sense. Like at an ice rink or plan a heist for Ray to stop and pull out the ring in front of Ray and Flash and everyone. Maybe at that bar Ray liked so much or after mind-blowing sex or sneaking into her work building to ask in the middle of a conference call because a flustered Raylin was a cute Raylin and man he should have thought this out better.

Ray slid to her knees in front of him, and len braced himself for rejection, the soft “no,” and the list of reasons why and would wait until Ray fell asleep to leave and-

Pale slender fingers wrapped around the hand holding the box (Leonard only just then realised in his haste he didn't even open it to show Ray the ring). Her wide brown eyes were shiny with tears and Len couldn't decipher if that's a bad thing or not. 

A soft breath was drawn in between her lips, and she exhaled, “Promise.”

A wet laugh was harshly expelled from Len at her answer, so Raylin said it again, the smile breaking across her face mangling the word. “Promise, I promise, I won’t ever-” she laughed too, a little hysterical and Len pulled her into him, and they held each other and and laughed with happy tears in their eyes. The unbearable weight in Len’s stomach was finally gone, the seize on his chest had dissipated. For the first time since Christmas, he felt like he could breath. 

“I absolutely want to marry you,” saying the actual word made Len still for a half second before pulling back a bit and using the palms of his hands to wipe the few stray tears off Ray’s smiling face, “But I just remembered we haven't told any of my friends or family.”

Len shrugged, “What's the worst that could happen? Not like Barry’ll have any objections.” And if he did, Len would freeze him until he agreed. 

Ray laughed nervously, steadying herself by gripping Len’s shoulders. “Um, I’m mostly worried about Ollie.”

Ah yes. Oliver Queen. That asshole. Leonard was sure under the mask and arrogance and anger issues, Oliver was… nice-ish. 

He was nice enough to always be looking out for Ray at least. For getting her out of Darhk’s hands and helping her along when she started out as a hero. They were good friends, kind of just “getting each other” as Ray puts it even though they’re nothing alike. Len was almost thankful for Oliver’s jealousy over Felicity, even if it didn’t do nothing more than confirm the two heroes were strictly friends. 

But Len was certain that Oliver would not be okay with his friend, the soft hearted Raylin, being engaged to a well-known criminal. Especially since the only people who even knew they were dating were the Waverider crew and Len’s Rogues (all threaten to secrecy). So the sudden single status being changed to engaged, well…

Len could already feel the phantom arrows in his back.

Ray’s friends were important to her, and Len knew if anyone could talk them into accepting the couple, it be Ray. The woman could talk Steve Jobs into buying a PalmerTech phone. But Len knew that eventually they’d have to tell the others. Len might be a far cry from a villain now, but he still wasn’t a hero. Hell, to get Oliver’s approval, he’d need to be Christ incarnate. 

A giggle from Rayin brought Len from his thoughts. At his questioningly risen eyebrow, Ray responded, “It's just, if thing so well between Lisa and Cisco,” she laughed again, “we’ll be in-laws.”

Len groaned. He didn’t need to think about Ramon and his sister. It’s not that he’s bad, he’s just corruptible, and boy does Lisa like to corrupt. “One issue at a time, Bambi.”

She giggled again and Len smiled. “We’re gonna get married.” She whispered, like it was a secret.

The thief pressed their foreheads together. “We’re gonna get married.” He confirmed. 

Oliver Queen may gut him, Cisco will probably faint, and Lisa definitely won the bet she had going between her and Mick. But that was fine. Because Ray said yes, and they were gonna be together.

“I wonder how my mom and brother are gonna react.”

Leonard completely forgot about Sandy and Sydney Palmer. Shit.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! They’re engaged! I alway kind had a headcannon Len always wanted a normal white picket fence life, just to flex his dad; to show he could be a good husband and father that didn’t hit his wife and kids and that he could be a happy, functional adult. I hoped I displayed that throughout the series well


End file.
